How to Get a Hobby

It is extremely important to have a hobby because at some point in your life, someone is going to ask you what hobbies you have. If you don’t have at least a small hobby, it is like you don’t exist. You have to be involved in stuff. You can’t just go around typing things into Twitter all day like it is some sort of purpose in life.

As an added incentive, your hobby will be the basis for people to decide how interesting you are. Ideally, you will have a hobby ready at hand that will make you appear more interesting than you actually are. You need to decide what this hobby will be well ahead of the question because it is hard to think of these things on the fly. If you don’t plan ahead, you are going to come up with something stupid like dog walking or eating potato chips.

Let’s get things started with a list of acceptable hobbies. Here are some authentic hobbies that I researched on Twitter.

Scrapbooking

I know you are worried starting out that you might not have enough scraps, but @sup3rmom informs me that they will share their scraps with you, as long as you bring your own wine. I like things where you can go to have wine, so I am already mostly on board with this one.

Dramatic Paper Ripping

@blogginglily suggested dramatic paper ripping. He is also willing to give lessons. If enough people are interested, maybe we can work out a discount.

Oolong Monkey Training

@lahikmajoe suggested Oolong monkey training, but Alura’s CrossWorlds Cafe and I both know that Teavana is never going to break down and tell us where they are hiding the monkeys.

Hooking

This is actually not what you are thinking. According to @ToujoursPurSang, this is alternate term for ‘crochet.’ Sure, you can use the term ‘crochet’ but you appear much more interesting if you tell people you are a ‘hooker’ or into ‘hooking.’

Hooking is a very productive hobby that results in lots of scarves, pot-holders, and sweaters. You could even make steering wheel cozies. Those are VERY popular. The negative side of this hobby is that people may not perceive it as interesting. After they figure out that when you said you ‘spend a lot of time hooking’ is that you are making stuff out of yarn, your hobby might fail to hold a their interest.

Blog Commenting

According to @MsCreatrix, writing really long comments counts as a valid hobby. As an added bonus, that is something I am already doing. However, very much like the hooking, this plan fails to make you more interesting. It might make you very interesting to bloggers probably, but no one else. There is also the added danger that after the hobby discussion, you end up with a guy that smells like soup making you read his blog about greenhouses. You can’t go around announcing stuff about blogs without expecting repercussions.

Hiking

I got this hiking hobby comment via text message, the very text message discussion in which someone asked about my hobbies. This person obviously does not know me very well. I panicked and said my hobby was potato chips. I regret now that I did not say Cheetos. This is exactly why it is so important to plan these things out in advance.

What is it about hiking? Isn’t hiking just walking around? Sure, the surfaces are uneven and the view is usually nicer that view you get from the parking lot as you scurry to your car, but you really aren’t doing anything terribly out of the ordinary. You could even say your hobby is looking at stuff. Hiking makes it sound more awesome than it really is.

This shirt is in case you want outside suggestions apart from those in this blog. (I know, why WOULD you.)

I propose we do a thought experiment. Let’s take something you are already doing and make it not only into a hobby, but an impressive one. I’m going to go with potato chips. Potato chips will make a wonderful hobby, and not just because I’m already committed to it from some ill-thought text message.

Consulting the hive mind**, I send my hobby related chip skills out to Twitter and let my minions get to work. At first, prospects looked dim.  @lahikmajoe questioned whether eating potato chips was a proper hobby. I was about to throw up my hands in despair when @_viouslymaggie saved the day by suggesting I take up watching too many series. This idea is brilliant in that I will have people to talk to and it “goes well with crisps.” See, @lahikmajoe, THAT is how you give a suggestion.

Then, @debihen made a proposal that was absolutely inspired. She said that if I find a chip shaped like Jesus, I could put it in a museum with my name on a plaque. I always like to go the extra mile, so I think I will make my own potato chip museum. People find Jesus on toast and tortillas all the time. How difficult could he be to locate famous people on chips? I already may have my hands on a Justin Bieber.

I got all excited about adding an educational science wing to my museum when @heinakroon suggested Darwin or Planck chips. Then, much to my disappointment, he admitted to not actually having the chips shaped like these individuals. Thanks for NOTHING, @heinakroon. Not to worry, though. The museum project is still on track. @ivycanucchi is buying chips today at the market and is fairly optimistic about finding a Jim Morrison or a Frank Sinatra chip. I’m hoping for Morrison.

**I think Lucy’s Football is responsible for coining the term ‘hive mind’ in reference to Twitter, but I don’t remember exactly. I would really appreciate if someone could go read the entirety of Lucy’s Football blog in order to provide a link to the actual statement. Thanks.