November 16, 2011 15 Comments
The next t-shirt prize goes to Lucy’s Football for this invaluable Twitter Guideline: Rockin’ Robin went Tweet, Tweet, Tweet? Birds Have Internet or as I like to call it, How not to be an asshat on Twitter.
If you break these rules, @lucysfootball will personally hit you with a hammer. I actually went through the list doing each thing deliberately. You can imagine my distress when I got through the entire list and THEN found out about the hammer. I am going to do you a favor and summarize all of the rules for you. You might consider going over and reading them for yourself though. @heinakroon has told me that sometimes I lack attention to detail.
- No spamming. I thought I would be really good at not spamming. However, I just found out from WordPress that if I keep putting people in my blogs all the time and then asking them to go look, that it basically amounts to spamming. I don’t think WordPress understands that this is the only way I can get @lahikmajoe to read my blog. He always seems to be out on trains with the madmen.
- You have a limit of 7 RT’s, so watch your step. Unless, of course, @lucysfootball finds them entertaining. Then you have a pass. I suggest you check with her immediately upon RT so you know how many you still have.
- Don’t get drunk on Twitter. Or don’t get drunk and erase your tweets. Or don’t say you are getting drunk if you aren’t. I am a little hazy on this one as I was drinking.
- Ashton Kutcher is going to quit the Internet and give away eleven billion followers. I don’t know about you guys, but I want IN on this!
- Don’t say stupid things like, “I am listening to a song.” You should say interesting things, like what you are eating
- Don’t sell things on Twitter unless you have 64-pack of crayons you can trade for colanders. Or unless you and @edrafalko have started a banjo Etsy site with @SteveMartinToGo.
- Don’t make typos. For example, @heinakroon once said “Nuclear Pants” instead of “Nuclear Plants” and now he is winning at typos on Klout. So, everyone go give @heinakroon +K in typos. Do it now, I can wait.
- Don’t constantly tweet famous people as if they are your friends. However, I should add that I am exempt from this rule. @lucysfootball said that @SteveMartinToGo is going to follow me back any day now. Wait until I tell him he is in my blog! I’ll bet you can all hardly wait to be reading the same blog that Steve Martin is reading!
- Stop trying to get celebrity retweets. Again, @lucysfootball says this one does not apply to me. Especially since Steve Martin and I may or may not have that Etsy Banjo project down the line.
- Trolling people is not funny. That may be true, but making other people troll for you is freaking HILARIOUS! Right @blogginglily?
Now that I am at the end of the list again, I notice that no one is HITTING with the hammers, because the hammers are THROWN. And also, I notice that @lucysfootball gave me hammers to throw as well. This is awesome! Why am I hanging around here when I have hammers to throw?!?
Oh, before I gather up all my hammers and get out of here, @lucysfootball… here is your shirt. Wear it with pride.
Actually, I had to give you more than one shirt. Three if you count “They’re YOUR friends, Jesus.” I am still totally stealing that. I don’t care what Neil Simon says.
If you don’t have to rush off anywhere, check out the Lucy’s Football (and friends) new web project:
The Loser’s Table: Sarcasm is an Art Form. Where she redefines crazy. Literally… I saw Webster taking notes.