January 15, 2012 25 Comments
Someday, very soon, @lucysfootball and I will watch a beloved American classic and mock it on the Twitter. While you might think that we are trailblazers of social media, the main goal of this experiment is really about the vodka.**
The movie is Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I remember liking this movie, but haven’t seen it for quite some time. I recently revisited the movie on NetFlix. Audrey Hepburn is cute. That is something on which we can all agree. After that, everything pretty much falls apart.
Before going any further, I would like to clear up a few things. First, I don’t consider myself to be a moral person. I don’t need to constantly pass judgment or delineate every action into black in white in order to function in the world. Second, I am not easily offended. Okay, I am very easily offended but mainly by people who wear too much cologne. If you aren’t wearing too much cologne and while you are serial killing or riding naked on your bike, you are fine. Knock yourself out.
That said, within ten minutes of watching this presumably innocuous movie, I am all kinds of judgy and offended. We don’t really need the Asian gentleman portrayed with buckteeth hitting his head on all the round paper lanterns while yelling, “Miss Go-right-ree!” It just isn’t necessary. Plus, Audrey Hepburn… you are just going to pop in the window of some random stranger’s apartment in your bathrobe because your date is crazy? Really? This isn’t how things are done. The one thing that would this movie better is if the characters would smoke more. I’m sick of all of them. They need to develop emphysema as quickly as possible. And, one more thing, I don’t care how cute you are, you just can’t go around naming everyone ‘Fred.’ It is stupid and annoying. Also, ukuleles are stupid too. There, I said it.
Wow. That was a lot more than I expected to write about the movie. I hope I didn’t burn up all my rants because I am really looking forward to watching it with @lucysfootball. At first she was hesitant, but I think she is going to be way better at making snide Twitter comments during the movie than I will be.
Enough about the movie, let’s talk vodka…whipped cream vodka. It comes highly recommended. I don’t actually possess my bottle as of yet, but I have a firm goal set to obtain it. There is also some sort of Swedish Fish Vodka. I don’t want to risk the possibly of the vodka not being made from the candy Swedish Fish, but actual fish from Sweden. I will not be getting this vodka. @whoremongers said she has never actually tried smoked salmon vodka, but that she would never try it again. She sounded pretty shook up about the experience of never of trying it, so it must be pretty bad. Therefore, all fish related vodka is out of the question. Don’t even bring it up.
If anyone would like to join us in watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s while making Tweet remarks and drinking whipped cream vodka, feel free to join us. It is currently available to watch instantly through NetFlix. We will set a time. We may not set it conveniently or with any type of advance notice, so be on alert. Also, you will need a bottle of whipped cream vodka. We probably won’t be able to show up in person to see if you physically have the vodka, but we can tell, so don’t lie. Also, don’t forget we have hammers.
**I finished exactly this much of the blog before my mom loudly mispronounces “kimchi” and tells me I have the weirdest things in my fridge. Then, my dad comes over with a thumbdrive of all the pictures he took of my kid’s birthday party and asks if I want to look at them. He points out the thumbdrive on my desk several times as if the main issue in not jumping at the chance to look at images of kids eating cake is my lack of awareness of the thumbdrive location. Simultaneously, my kid comes over to demonstrate his newly constructed marshmallow weaponry. The marshmallows shooting out of the tube seem oddly nonchalant of their predicament.
I don’t know what it is about this computer that attracts people within thirty seconds of me sitting down to type at it. If anyone out there is lonely, I will sell you this computer. Of course, it may not solve all your problems. Instead of a sexy person with smoldering eyes telling you what a brilliant blog you are writing, it will most likely attract people who are well intentioned, but very loud. Yeah, no one wants this computer. I am certain of it.
Well, I gotta go. People are looking for pickles and everyone is certain I am the only one who can find them. In the meantime, looking forward to movie and vodka night.