How to Watch an Iconic Movie

Someday, very soon, @lucysfootball and I will watch a beloved American classic and mock it on the Twitter. While you might think that we are trailblazers of social media, the main goal of this experiment is really about the vodka.**

The movie is Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I remember liking this movie, but haven’t seen it for quite some time. I recently revisited the movie on NetFlix. Audrey Hepburn is cute. That is something on which we can all agree. After that, everything pretty much falls apart.

Before going any further, I would like to clear up a few things. First, I don’t consider myself to be a moral person. I don’t need to constantly pass judgment or delineate every action into black in white in order to function in the world.  Second, I am not easily offended. Okay, I am very easily offended but mainly by people who wear too much cologne. If you aren’t wearing too much cologne and while you are serial killing or riding naked on your bike, you are fine. Knock yourself out.

That said, within ten minutes of watching this presumably innocuous movie, I am all kinds of judgy and offended. We don’t really need the Asian gentleman portrayed with buckteeth hitting his head on all the round paper lanterns while yelling, “Miss Go-right-ree!” It just isn’t necessary. Plus, Audrey Hepburn… you are just going to pop in the window of some random stranger’s apartment in your bathrobe because your date is crazy? Really? This isn’t how things are done. The one thing that would this movie better is if the characters would smoke more. I’m sick of all of them. They need to develop emphysema as quickly as possible. And, one more thing, I don’t care how cute you are, you just can’t go around naming everyone ‘Fred.’ It is stupid and annoying. Also, ukuleles are stupid too. There, I said it.

I spent the entire movie wishing he would say this. He never does.

Wow. That was a lot more than I expected to write about the movie. I hope I didn’t burn up all my rants because I am really looking forward to watching it with  @lucysfootball. At first she was hesitant, but I think she is going to be way better at making snide Twitter comments during the movie than I will be.

Enough about the movie, let’s talk vodka…whipped cream vodka. It comes highly recommended. I don’t actually possess my bottle as of yet, but I have a firm goal set to obtain it. There is also some sort of Swedish Fish Vodka. I don’t want to risk the possibly of the vodka not being made from the candy Swedish Fish, but actual fish from Sweden. I will not be getting this vodka. @whoremongers said she has never actually tried smoked salmon vodka, but that she would never try it again. She sounded pretty shook up about the experience of never of trying it, so it must be pretty bad. Therefore, all fish related vodka is out of the question. Don’t even bring it up.

Probably no one will offer you fish vodka, but you can't be too careful.

If anyone would like to join us in watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s while making Tweet remarks and drinking whipped cream vodka, feel free to join us. It is currently available to watch instantly through NetFlix. We will set a time. We may not set it conveniently or with any type of advance notice, so be on alert. Also, you will need a bottle of whipped cream vodka. We probably won’t be able to show up in person to see if you physically have the vodka, but we can tell, so don’t lie. Also, don’t forget we have hammers.

**I finished exactly this much of the blog before my mom loudly mispronounces “kimchi” and tells me I have the weirdest things in my fridge. Then, my dad comes over with a thumbdrive of all the pictures he took of my kid’s birthday party and asks if I want to look at them. He points out the thumbdrive on my desk several times as if the main issue in not jumping at the chance to look at images of kids eating cake is my lack of awareness of the thumbdrive location. Simultaneously, my kid comes over to demonstrate his newly constructed marshmallow weaponry. The marshmallows shooting out of the tube seem oddly nonchalant of their predicament.

I don’t know what it is about this computer that attracts people within thirty seconds of me sitting down to type at it. If anyone out there is lonely, I will sell you this computer. Of course, it may not solve all your problems. Instead of a sexy person with smoldering eyes telling you what a brilliant blog you are writing, it will most likely attract people who are well intentioned, but very loud. Yeah, no one wants this computer. I am certain of it.

Well, I gotta go. People are looking for pickles and everyone is certain I am the only one who can find them. In the meantime, looking forward to movie and vodka night.

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About lgalaviz
All of this hardly seems necessary.

25 Responses to How to Watch an Iconic Movie

  1. Midianite Manna says:

    Yes. Please. Of course to tweet while watching I will need to steal my husband’s laptop, so some advance notice is necessary. Also not sure I know how to use Netflix and drink vodka at the same time. It sounds complicated. So if you find my snide comments are all about The Breakfast Club instead, be gentle.

    • lgalaviz says:

      I agree… This could get complicated.

      The Breakfast Club… I know! Like all those kids could really get away with smoking all that pot in the school library.

  2. a says:

    Wow. First, I woke up this morning and wanted some pickles and we appeared to be out. Could you come to my house and find some for me?

    Second, Swedish Fish Vodka must be made from the delicious nectar of the gods…the candy. Anything else would just be blasphemy.

    Third, I think I’ve seen parts of Breakfast At Tiffany’s and found the Asian dude stereotype really annoying also. But, I’ve clearly been channeling the movie, because I wish to name everything unnamed Fred.

    Finally, I suspect you could make money by promising to keep your computer away from people. I believe I shall invest in a crucifix and some holy water in the event that you travel northwards and bring that computer anywhere near me.

    • lgalaviz says:

      If I ever need a career change, I will blackmail people with the vortex of my computer while finding pickles for them. I’m sure it will be very profitable.

      I find it rather odd to have a vodka flavored like gummy fish.It seems almost like too specific a flavor. But then again, I have never tried it.

  3. I’ve only seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s once some 20-25 years ago and don’t remember much of it, except that Audrey Hepburn was indeed very cute and that I didn’t like the ending. However, I can’t remember how it ended. And now that you mention it, there could indeed have been some annoying portrayal of Asian people in it, but I can’t remember the details of that either. Obviously my memory isn’t what it used to be.

    • lgalaviz says:

      It was a stupid ending that involved people running around out in the rain. They also left all their stuff in the cab when they ran off. I don’t know if the driver waited around for them, or what. They never showed that part. It was all very disturbing.

  4. I wrongly assumed that the Swedish fish flavoured vodka was flavoured with the Swedish salty liquorice confectionery ‘salt sill’, which would’ve made a very tasty vodka indeed. I know this because I’ve made my own flavoured vodka by mixing it with crushed salty liquorice and chilli pepper sweets called Turkish Pepper. It was like drinking a very strong (and very hot) cough syrup for grownups and I loved it. It gave you a mean heartburn though.

  5. Your computer must obviously be very sexy. I’m guessing it’s made from aluminium or magnesium. It might also have shiny buttons with blue lights.

  6. elaine4queen says:

    the only way i can even tolerate watching breakfast at tiffany’s is by following the subplot about the cat.

    i think i had an abridged audiobook version of the book, and i don’t even know that the cat featured, but it was less about a ‘party girl’ and more about a prostitute. which might have made for a better film.

    • lgalaviz says:

      The prostitute aspect seemed dead on. It is like they tried to gloss over it in the movie, but only made it seem creepier. I want to read the book now. Also, I may want a remake of the entire film.

  7. Debihen says:

    I’ve never seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s. From what I’ve read here I haven’t missed much. Except Audrey Hepburn’s cuteness and a guy who’s NOT named Fred.
    Too bad that computer of yours hasn’t attracted Johnny Depp. That would be awesome. Way better than yelling, flash drive wielding pickle lovers.

    • lgalaviz says:

      Yes. I am sure that Johnny Depp would sit next to me with smoldering eyes and tell me how great my blog is. Also, Johnny, in case you are reading… if you wanted pickles, I would find you some.

  8. Gigi says:

    I’ve never seen the movie either….not sure if I want to now. If I agree to watch and mock do I have to drink vodka? I much prefer a chardonnay.

  9. Edwin Drooooooood says:

    Thank you for putting this in my head:

    And I said, What about ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’
    She said I think I remember the film yes
    and as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it.
    And I said Well, that’s the one thing we’ve got.

  10. MsDarkstar says:

    Is it ok to just have the whipped cream vodka sans movie? Because I’ve never seen Breakfast at Tiffanys and have no desire to. I know that might make me some sort of uncultured cretin, but it is just not on my list. Perhaps I will drink the whipped cream vodka whilst watching Harold and Maude. And then you will see my tweets and wonder where that scene is in Breakfast at Tiffanys and be confused but blame it on the vodka. Yep. Sounds like a plan.

    • lgalaviz says:

      But if we watch a decent movie, we won’t be able to make fun of it. We need a movie that takes itself seriously but that is actually entirely ridiculous on multiple levels. I agree there has to be more than one. This is the only one I can think of. @lucysfootball actually hated the idea too. I got her to agree by threatening to kill Schrodinger’s cat.

      • She really did. But the main reason I was against it at first was because I thought she wanted to watch it because she LIKED it. And that worried me because I couldn’t think of anything more un-fun than getting drunk on whipped cream vodka and pretending to like a movie about some free-spirited hippie prostitute who lives with a racist stereotype and refuses to name her cat and then throws him out into the rain.

  11. DogsDontPurr says:

    I vote that we drink whipped cream vodka, skip the movie, and just GO to Tiffany’s!

  12. I work with someone who wears so much cologne that you can taste it in the air when he leaves the room for several minutes afterward. Needless to say, I hate him like fire.

    I actually found the movie for less than $10 on Amazon, and I had to make the $25 so I could get free shipping, so I ordered it. Once we’re done mocking it, I think I will probably do some sort of craft project with the DVD, like potentially smash it to bits and make weaponry out of it that I will sell on Etsy for a lot of money to fund future flavored vodka nights. This is a very good plan.

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