How to Create a Team Building Cheer

I think there must be some website out there offering advice on how you create your own team building training. Every one of these things I have been to makes whatever team you end up in create and perform a cheer. So, if you have to go to a team building, please be aware that you may have to plan and perform a team cheer.

I have been to a lot of team building sessions, so if you find yourself in the unfortunate position of creating a cheer, I can help you with that. Here is a list of limitations for creating a cheer that will both satisfy the requirements of the psychotics making you do it, and get you through the situation gracefully.

  1. No sudden movements. If the instructions for creating the cheer require some sort of movement, keep it to a minimum. You are not winning any awards here. Even if there are awards, they won’t be given out for the cheer. Even if there are awards given out for the cheer, they will be lame.  Any sudden, or repetitive, movements are unacceptable. I will not be high kicking, jumping, or clapping. Just have everyone throw their hands up in the air at the end of the thing. It is something they will probably want to do anyway.
  2. No yelling. Don’t use words like “go” or “team” or “win.” It is really hard for people to pretend that much enthusiasm. I might be willing to chant  something that rhymes. However, I will not be chanting very loud, or energetically, so keep it short so it doesn’t drag.
  3. No singing. Don’t make the cheer to the tune of a song. I am not singing some words you organized in ten minutes to the tune of Jingle Bells. No one can write a clever song in minutes while people are yelling suggestions into the air. It is going to end badly. Case in point, “Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg.” No one even likes this version. It is stupid and was probably written as a team building exercise.

Create any cheer you desire within these guidelines, and you will have my minimal participation. If you create anything outside these boundaries, I will be not be performing. I will be looking away, distracted, until it is over. There are multitudes of things in a room with which I can distract myself, including the Twitter feed on my phone. After you are done, I will look up suddenly, incredibly disappointed to have missed the whole thing.

Better yet, here is a shirt you can wear to your team building.

A lot of problems can be avoided simply by setting the right expectations.

Advertisements

About lgalaviz
All of this hardly seems necessary.

12 Responses to How to Create a Team Building Cheer

  1. The one time I was forced to go to one of these horrendous things, and we all had to toss around some yarn until we were all tangled up into a web of yarn together to show how we were all “interconnected” as team members but whenever the yarn came to me I would shy away as if I was allergic to wool. Then when they all spent twenty minutes attempting to untangle themselves from the yarn (without cutting it, which was the rule – um, that’s ridiculous, I’m sure even spiders cut their web now and again, hello) I just went off to the snack table ate some free bagels. The woman we were paying astronomical sums of money asked me what I’d learned from the exercise and I told her that blueberry bagels were better than plain. I think we can all agree I won that exercise.

    • lgalaviz says:

      There was no yarn at this one. Luckily, we only had to do a few things that were stupid. You can get out of a lot by pretending to be clumsy or inattentive. Also, we had these terrible sandwiches and no bagels.

    • Who the hell comes up with these inane activities? These aren’t team building exercises, it’s more like games made up by a five year old. Actually, scratch that. Games made up by five year old are usually more fun. And more intelligent.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    We don’t do this type of team building in the world of education. Instead we have to do walk-abouts. You know, those things when you walk around the room until the music stops and share with the person you are standing across from. Yeah. That’s what we do. My work friends and I pretty much walk around each other until the music stops and then continue our conversation that we were having prior to the walk-about.

    One year they called it a flamingo walk and we were supposed to stand on one leg when we told our partners whatever non-essential waste of time fact that nobody will ever remember. I went to the bathroom instead.

  3. Debihen says:

    TWO BITS! FOUR BITS! SIX BITS! A DOLLAR! ALL FOR LISA STAND UP AND HOLLER! Wait, no hollering, she already cautioned us about yelling. Already I’ve failed…

  4. I so want one of those t-shirts! I NEVER cheer; not even if we had successfully battled a wave of attacking zombies wanting to eat us alive. I’d just say: “Just wait, there will be more..”

    For some reason I almost never win at team building exercises.

  5. Lisa says:

    I can happily say that I have never had to be subjected to any kind of day like this one. If we have decided to do a team building activity with anyone I’ve worked with, it has always just involved food and alcohol… Usually paid for by the bosses. I get along fine with my team, as such people should know that this is the answer. Food and alcohol. Spread the word.

  6. a says:

    I am now thanking God that no one in my workplace ever pretends that we will act like a team. We are a loosely organized group of individuals who all have problems inter-relating with people because we’re science nerds. The best you’ll get out of us is a sarcastic “Woo-hoo” when someone cancels some ridiculous work request that we shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. There may be a non-sarcastic “woo-hoo” if someone brings sugary treats for break time.

  7. Edwin Drooooooood says:

    Wait, so I can’t do the disco-dancing scene from the original “The Office”? I’ve got David Brent’s overbite down!

  8. MsDarkstar says:

    I haven’t been to a lot of team building trainings… EXCEPT… I somehow keep meeting MultiLevelMarketing people and end up going to their meetings and they ALL have some absolutely HORRENDOUS song they make their people sing. (You Know… like I am sure that the Kirby Vacuum people probably have an “I am the Suction Czar” song or something).

    First off, I HATE these meetings that are pretty much cultlike brainwashing things to begin with and then they have these damn songs. Songs that come back to mind when I have insomnia and am in bed trying to convince the 15 “nighttime” ibuprofens to kick in…

    I’ve also been to more customer service training in my life than is necessary for one human being to endure (different companies… it’s not like I kept getting sent to training by the same company because I am just THAT bad at Customer Service). At one of them, we were asked what Movie Title could be used to sum up our lives. I said “As Good As It Gets”. Less than 24 hours later, I was in my boss’s office being told I needed to find a therapist by the end of the week or I’d lose my job… I thought I was being “positive” and “upbeat” when I chose that title but apparently the instructor took it as an admission of mental illness. If I’d wanted to choose a red flag, I would have said “The Shining” or maybe “Psycho”… Or…something involving a zombie apocalypse.

    Hrumph… I feel a teambuilding song coming on… time for some tea.

    • lgalaviz says:

      I get in trouble for sarcasm all the time at these things. I have learned to feign enthusiasm.

      Love the long blog comments, like a blog within a blog. I should write another blog in reply. We can have a stream of micro-blogs to infinity.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: