Milkshakes from the Past

You are probably thinking this is going to be one of those posts where I spend the whole time expounding on some trivial thing in life that actually took only about 20 seconds in real time, but now I am going to force you to spend 8 to 10 minutes reading about it. You are right.

Yesterday, I took my kid to McDonald’s for breakfast because we were out of bacon. And eggs. And toast. I tried to get him to eat oatmeal cookies for breakfast because of the oatmeal content, but he seemed to think that cookies were not a proper breakfast. Sometimes I don’t know what is wrong with that kid.

After we agreed that we would go to McDonald’s to get him a McGriddle, I glanced at the clock. It was 10:07. McGriddle service ends at that place at 10:30 sharp. “Don’t worry Mom,” my child says, “I’ll go get dressed.” (It is the week after Christmas, my kid is out of school, and yes, we have been in our pajamas all morning playing games on his new Wii. Don’t judge me. We will read a book later. Maybe.)

While I locate car keys, my seven-year-old proceeds to go into his room and pull out the most ridiculous match up of clothing I have ever seen. I usually set his clothes out for him to avoid this. Apparently, seven-year-olds think you can pull any random pants and shirt items from a drawer, and put them on without any planning or foresight. It always ends badly. However, the countdown had started, and there was no time to argue. We got in the car and arrived at McDonalds at 10:22. My kid tells me he wants a McGriddle with milk, then rushes off to go find a table.

Ordering at fast food restaurants is extremely difficult, even without the time pressure. There is a line behind you, waiting for you to order. There is a person in front of you, expecting you to order. You have to be extremely precise in your communication with this person in order for you to receive the food you are expecting. Then there is the menu itself, a glaring panorama with brightly lit pictures of food and numbers and drinks.

I have to remember my kids order, and mine. Then somehow communicate all this to a person with the clock ticking down to 10:30. It is a high-pressure situation.

There is one person ahead of me in line. I am trying to pay attention so I will see when they are finished ordering and move up. At the same time I am looking at the McGriddle pictures perplexed as to why they put cheese on them. Then I am trying to figure out if they come with milk. My kid asked for milk, but milk is only listed on the kid’s menu. There is no breakfast kid menu. Maybe I’ll just order it with milk to see what happens. How is the number seven different from the number six? Oh god, one has sausage and one has bacon. Which one did he want??

You can see that I have a lot going on inside my head. This is when I hear a voice behind me saying, “Are you interested in a free milkshake?” I turn to find an attractive looking guy standing behind me. At a McDonald’s, I know. It is hard to believe.

When I see attractive people, I always assume they are selling something. Probably because all the attractive, well-dressed people at my office are in sales. So, here is this guy with the Ashton Kutcher hair asking me about a milkshake. I give him my very best I’m-not-interested-in-signing-up-for-a-damn-credit-card-or-changing-my-electricity-provider glare. He shifts a bit, but continues, undaunted.

“You can get a free milkshake here. On November 25th.” He is obviously trying to communicate something with me by pointing to a hand-written sign on the counter that says “Get a free milkshake on November 25th” I consider the quickest way of ending this interaction and decide to pretend to be agreeable. Sometimes that works.

“Yes, I see that. Thanks.” I respond.

“On November 25th.” He repeats. The guy is not letting it go.

I continue with my tactic of being nice, but dismissive, “Yes, that’s great.” I tell him.

Finally, he decides I am never going to get it. “That is like a YEAR from now.” He blurts out. He now seems pleased with himself, but a little flustered at having to explain his own joke.

I missed it. He was being WITTY, and I missed it. I usually appreciate people being witty. But you just can’t spring it on me like that. I can’t be expected to deal with some kind of Ashton Kutcher look-alike in line at a McDonald’s trying to sell me a milkshake from the past while I am dealing with McGriddle deadlines.

This shirt will prevent unwanted offers of milkshakes from the past. You probably think this will not happen to you, but you can never be too careful.

So, to the good-looking guy in line behind me at McDonalds, sorry I didn’t get your witty banter. In all fairness, if you look like Ashton Kutcher, you shouldn’t even be in a McDonalds. This isn’t Beverly Hills. Go to a Chick-fil-A.

The good news is, that my kid and I had great time eating our McGriddles. He even demonstrated how he almost spit out his milk at school when his friend told him a joke one time. Morning accomplished.

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About lgalaviz
All of this hardly seems necessary.

32 Responses to Milkshakes from the Past

  1. a says:

    Noted: Do not try to be witty with you until after the McGriddle has been eaten.

  2. lahikmajoe says:

    ‘one of those posts where I spend the whole time expounding on some trivial thing in life that actually took only about 20 seconds in real time, but now I am going to force you to spend 8 to 10 minutes reading about it. ‘

    I’m thinking that I might go blog about all the things I thought about while reading this blogpost.

    Sometimes I still dress like you describe your son does. Luckily, I have a wife who says, ‘You can’t wear those things together.’ Some of us don’t grow out of that.

    The whole topic of milkshakes from the past: I’m not entirely sure if that sort of thing would be accepted according to the health code.

  3. MsDarkstar says:

    If I ever find an Ashton Kutcher handsome dude in the McDonald’s (or any other fast food establishment) I am going to take it as a sign from Beyonce (the Giant Metal Chicken, not the pop star) and call someone with the authority to perform weddings and make Mr. Hottie marry me right then and there. (Don’t point out the flaws in the plan, just roll with it)

    Seeing that once upon a time many, many (way too many) years ago I was employed by McDonald’s, I can assure you that they do not let milkshakes from the past get served. This may or may not stop maintenance employees (which I was not) from dumpster diving for the boxes of expired shake mix for their own nefarious purposes. So, it may be possible to get bootleg shakes from the past but you have to realize that anything like that should really be consumed at your own risk and possibly with an antibiotic chaser. (I need to point out here that I am not a medical professional, so your mileage with past shakes AND antibiotics may vary).

  4. Had to wikipedia McGriddle – this blog is rapidly becoming my go-to source for discovering new food!

    • jbrown3079 says:

      Had to Wikipedia McGriddle. Thank you, Steve Jobs for making a phrase like that possible.

      I am amazed by McDonald’s hard and fast rules about breakfast. 10:30 no matter what breakfast ends and Big Macs begin. And why is there no warning when the McRib promotion is over.

  5. The Chick-fil-A in Studio City closed. Not sure about the one in Bev Hills. I hardly ever go there, because, you know, Beverly Hills.

    It sounds like you and your son had a great morning. That’s so cool. (Once the clock stopped ticking, that is.) Also? Matched clothes are over-rated. When my kid was 7 he wanted to wear a grey fedora with a huge feather sticking out of it. I still smile over it, 20 years (gasp) later.

  6. Joules says:

    Sneak attack wit is the worst. Also, I’d like to politely suggest that those milkshakes were from the future. Perhaps the McDonald’s corporation, as they are obviously quite concerned about time and deadlines, would like to assure that you are adequately prepared with setting of alarms and such for November 25th. After all, a free milkshake could make the day of someone who is both prepared for it and lactose tolerant.

  7. McGriddles are the best things ever. At one point in my life I remember saying the word McGriddles to the people on a road trip with me SO MANY TIMES that I’m pretty sure they vowed never to go on a road trip with me again.

    What do you think milkshakes from the future will taste like? And will they fly? Because I’m pretty sure the Jetsons promised me a flying car by now, and I’m still waiting on that bad boy to appear.

    Did the Kutcher guy look like Kutcher-then, like “That 70s Show” Kutcher, when he was borderline acceptable, or Kutcher-now, all douchebag Jesus? That would have made a difference in how I responded to his wit. Sorry. “Wit.” Also, there’s a chance that WAS Kutcher, from the PAST, and you were being Punk’d about milkshakes from the FUTURE. Did I just blow your mind? Thought so.

  8. Lisa says:

    I wouldn’t worry too much about it. He probably just went home and tweeted his highly amusing observation and has had the appropriate amused response from there.

    Still though… McGriddles? Good looking witty men? There are too many things in this post that are severely lacking in my immediate vicinity.

  9. Debihen says:

    I love looking at little kids who dress themselves. They do it wih such reckless style. My grandson went to the airport to pick up his other Grannie wearing cowboy boots, plaid shorts, a white t shirt, sunglasses and (this is the best part) a clip on tie. When my daughter enquired why the tie he said “I wanna look nice for Grannie”. He was a huge hit at the airport; one lady admonished her grown son for not dressing up “like this fine young man” as she gestured toward Carter. It was a good day to be a little kid.
    Now…I have not ate a McGriddle. And I have never had the pleasure of standing in line in front of Ashton Kutcher. I did stand in line in front of actorJohn Lithgow at Magic Mountain once. Never once did he offer me a milkshake or even a lousy stick of gum. A gal I know has a toddler named Ashton. That kid never offered me a milkshake either. Come to think of it, NO ONE. Has offered me a milkshake.
    Obviously,I need to hang with you and your kid.

    • lgalaviz says:

      That is such a cute story! I love the lady pointing him out to her grown son. Greatness!

      John Lithgow can be so rude sometimes. I can’t believe he didn’t offer you a beverage from the future, or at the very least, a stick of gum.

  10. Edwin Drooooooood says:

    You can also get a really good deal on a CD at Musicland in 1998!

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