How can they STILL be out of monkeys?

The next few posts will be about things I learned on the InterBlogs, and people who deserve their own t-shirts. My first InterBlog recognition and t-shirt dedication goes to Alura’s CrossWorlds Cafe for the post, “Sorry Lisa, they’re still out of monkeys… “

This clothing line is dedicated to you, Alura, for surviving the Teavana at the Galleria, and also obtaining your $50.00 pound of antioxidant tea. You will be able to fight oxidants for years to come.  At least you actually bought tea while you were there. I bought some sort of leafy substance called a Samurai Mate, which apparently, as Lahikmajoe pointed out in his post, “Don’t tell her it’s not tea,” isn’t even tea! I guess the moral of this story is that you shouldn’t go around buying things just because they have the word Samurai on them. On the other hand, what am I supposed to do a teashop, Lahikmajoe? Go around saying, “Are you SURE this is tea? What about this one? Is this one tea?” That would make me look like an idiot!

Wait. I know what you are thinking, and you are wrong. Demanding to see the Oolong monkeys does NOT make me look like an idiot. That makes me a discerning customer. Plus, they wouldn’t even bring out the monkeys! When I started getting agitated, they were like, “Oh, watch out! An oxidant!” Clever hippies.

I am just now realizing that Teavana never actually explained how to use my pounds of tea to fight the oxidants. Maybe you need lots of tea because you are supposed to be using it as ammunition in some sort of antioxidant weaponry. I should go back there. Maybe if I buy actual tea this time they will let me see the monkeys.

For a blog post that was supposed to be about someone else, this is sure starting to look like one of my typical rants. I blame Lahikmajoe. Back to the point of this whole thing…. Congratulations, Alura, on “investing in your health and well-being”. Hope it didn’t set you back too much. Enjoy your t-shirts.

If this shirt actually gets you monkeys, you owe me one.
I wanted some sort of Clint Eastwood saying on this one, like: Do you feel lucky, Oxidants? Well do ya? but for all I know, Oxidants really do feel lucky and it wouldn’t work.

About lgalaviz
All of this hardly seems necessary.

10 Responses to How can they STILL be out of monkeys?

  1. Blogdramedy says:

    I couldn’t get you Clint but I DID find you a goat-riding cowboy of a monkey. Does this score me a t-shirt? 😉

  2. The reason they didn’t show you their monkeys (no pun intended) might be because they don’t actually exist. There seem to be no photographic evidence to support their claim of Oolong picking monkeys what-so-ever.

    Read more about this heinous lie here:

    But don’t despair, because instead you could buy a coffee called Kopi Luwak that has been shat out of a cat, and that is just sort of awesome:

    • lgalaviz says:

      I must say that I am more than disappointed to find out about the monkeys. Or lack of monkeys. However, this does explain why the people at Teavana continually refuse to bring them out. I thought the hippies either didn’t like me or were being stubborn when it was all a huge cover-up. I am a little worried about the reaction of Starbucks employees when I go in demanding to see the shitting cats, but these types of things can’t be helped… I’m cultured.

  3. I walked past a Teavana for the first time last week. A young woman was offering samples. I started laughing so hard when she offered me one, she must have thought I had misunderstood her.

    i wanted to explain that lately I had been reading a lot about tea on Twitter, but I think the explanation would have taken too long. And as @lgalaviz has already explained, they won’t ever bring out the damn monkeys.

  4. lahikmajoe says:

    I thought this the first time we went through the whole Teavana experience…what it I want Oxidants?

    More free radicals?

  5. This post made me feel drunk. Thank you.

  6. This entire network of posts made me think of one thing:

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