Halloween Costume Series: Serial Killer

I forgot that the entire reason I wanted a t-shirt catalog was too make up a bunch of t-shirts for Halloween so people wouldn’t feel the pressure to dress up. Now we are halfway through October, and I suddenly remember my original goal. That is just like something I would do. I also have great plans for a Thanksgiving blog that I will most likely get around to posting after New Year’s.

Anyway, my point about Halloween is that I am not a kid anymore. When I was a kid, I had to go door to door in a cheap plastic mask with tiny little holes for breathing so that I could be oxygen deprived the entire night. And also there was an elastic string attached with the cheapest staple possible so that it inevitably detatched and had to be fixed on the fly MacGyver-style. See example below:

Check out The Ghost of Halloween Past at EncinoMom to learn more about the plastic mask experience.

I am an adult now. I can buy a Snicker’s bar anytime I want one. I don’t have to be stuck with the ‘fun’ size either. I can buy the non-fun size that actually seems more fun because there is a bunch more candy involved.

Seeing as how I am in full control of my own candy supply, I should not be required to wear a costume. To make matters worse, you can’t get those masks with the holes cut in the eyes anymore. Adult costumes involve wigs and fishnet panty hose and strange shoes. You also have popular culture to look into in case you want to be someone from the cast of Jersey Shore. The whole thing is a mess.

Dozens of you are probably on the verge of wandering around in a Halloween store run by stoned college kids just so you can find something appropriate to wear for a costume contest or office party.  Luckily, this blog has saved you. In the next few days I will present a line of t-shirts focusing on changes you can make on the inside so you don’t have to wear odd clothing on the outside. You won’t even need to buy strange shoes. You will simply become a strange person.

Let’s start off by looking at serial killers. People live next door to serial killers for years before they describe them to the news team as ‘reserved’ while detectives dig for bones in the backyard. So, logically, you won’t have to wear anything distinctive if you suddenly decide to become a serial killer for the day.

You may be thinking that is almost like my idea for the ‘NOT a Serial Killer’ shirt, but it is actually the polar opposite of that idea, and therefore totally unique.

I’m planning to sell this shirt with a vial of fake blood so you can casually leave the room and return with strategically placed splatters. Keep in mind you will have to do this more than once. You are, after all, a serial killer. If you can have people disappear mysteriously from the location, this will further improve the efficiency of the costume.  You should probably be caught at the end of the night digging a hole in the backyard to fill with bones.

The next costume will be a surprise. I have to get these out quick before Halloween is here or the rapture comes. Someone told me it has been rescheduled for this Friday, the rapture, not Halloween. Hopefully, none of you have made other plans.

Side Note: EncinoMom, along with the nostalgic mask story, also has a great recipe for Halloween Pancakes. I urge you to try this recipe if you have kids and aren’t an epic fail in the kitchen. I would like to try the recipe myself, but you need Halloween pancake forms and I only have Christmas cookie cutters that I never even got around to using for cookies at Christmas. You are probably way more organized that me though, so here is the link:


About lgalaviz
All of this hardly seems necessary.

11 Responses to Halloween Costume Series: Serial Killer

  1. Handflapper says:

    You really need to stop. My love for you has reached critical proportions and you should be afraid, very afraid.

  2. Tova says:

    Wearing this would be a great way to avoid the rapture! And it doubles as a Halloween costume. That is a sound investment.

  3. addtova.com says:

    Oh I also forgot to add, that after Halloween you could just use a sharpie to add the "Not a" to the front and maybe add "I heart fruit punch " to the back, you know so the blood doesn't tip them off.

  4. Hi Lisa,Great post! You crack me up. Thanks for the mention and links. I look forward to reading more!Happy Halloween,LisaP.S. Please feel free to make formless pancakes, they still taste great and you can accuse family members of having no imagination – as your creations will resemble ghosts or pumpkins no matter what you do. Ha!

  5. Debihen says:

    I could buy the shirt, but the fake vile of blood is not necessary. I work in a hospital right across from the lab…I know people who could help me out with the whole splattered blood idea. Wait…that's probably not something one should brag about, right?

  6. Alura says:

    I'm not overly worried about the Rapture… it'll just free up more parking spots for me. The following is an example of WHY I am not worried about the Rapture: http://choppingblock.keenspot.com/d/20071008.htmlI figure the fact that I like stuff like that pretty much excludes me from the "people to Rapture" list.

  7. Gigi says:

    Wait the Rapture is THIS weekend??!!! Seeing as I'm busy from now until eternity they will just have to re-schedule.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Single mom that wants to go as a gold digger. Help?

  9. plumsauce10 says:

    Halloween is pretty much a fail in England. You blink and you miss it, which kinda sucks because it means that if I buy your t shirt for work on Halloween and splatter blood on it all day I'd probably get arrested instead. If I get arrested one more time for suspected serial killing I fear they might start thinking it's true.

  10. True, not much of Halloween in the UK. Anyway, I don't think I'd look that good in fishnet pantyhose.. T-shirt it is then!

  11. The whole "fun size" candy bar thing is a ruse. The fun part is seeing how many of those teeny bars you can eat before you can no longer fool yourself into thinking it's okay to eat them because they are so little they can't possibly have that many calories, right? RIGHT?

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