How to Ditch your GF

@IbecameMyDad has a blog called I’ve become my parents. In this blog, there is a section called My FavoriteTweets where he takes a humorous look at the Google search terms that bring people to his site. I have included a few examples below:

Excerpts fromMy Favorite Tweets: On search terms people used to find this blog”

Person who found my blog searching “how do i prove to my parents that my homework is right”: If it’s English, it’s probably not…correct.

To the person who found my blog searching “i just don’t have it”: Try looking under the couch.

To the person who found my blog by searching “i’ll be better to my kids than my parents”: No you won’t. Trust me on that.

My Personal Quest for Random Google Search Terms

Now that you get the general idea, you can see why this peaked my interest. I started wondering what crazy search strings people were following to get to my blog. I decided to take a look, and here is what I found:

“satan t-shirt”

“how to identify hippies”

“giant metal chicken would solve everything”

“big metal chicken”

“how to be emotionally stable”

Now I am rethinking the size of the metal chicken I purchased based on Jenny’s not being able to buy bath towels because she already had the beach ones. Aside from that, I am a bit disappointed that these search terms all seem directly relevant to content on my blog.

There was, however, one that stood out:

“ditching your gf”

Now THERE is a gem!

I am assuming this stands for girlfriend and I am therefore feeling a little guilty that my blog is the only frame of reference this poor guy has. Hopefully, he doesn’t try to give his soon to be ex-girlfriend Ally or slip allergy medication  into her tea. I don’t even know why they let me write on the Internet. Who is in charge of this thing anyway?

Since I feel somewhat responsible, I will attempt to provide restitution.

–Dear Dude trying to dump your girlfriend, here are some t-shirts for you–

Try starting with the obvious:





If that doesn’t work, you can try this:

Or, you can go for something a little more obscure:

If you don’t get the t-shirt above, see this for reference:
Gizmodo, My OkCupid Affair With A World Champion Magic: The Gathering Player

Special thanks to @etoxican for finding the Gizmodo link for me when, ironically, my Google search parameters proved inadequate.

More special thanks goes to @IbecameMyDad for the inspiration, and also to The Bloggess without whom I would not have a medium-sized metal chicken, or even a blog about a medium-sized metal chicken. Come to think of it, she isn’t doing you any favors here.

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About lgalaviz
All of this hardly seems necessary.

4 Responses to How to Ditch your GF

  1. Hahahahaha! Hey, thanks for that awesome shoutout! It's interesting, if not a bit troubling, that Google thinks you're an expert on mental stability. And I mean that in the nicest possible way, which probably doesn't make it any better.Perfect T-shirt suggestions! And the cool thing is they are gender-neutral. Could use them on your BF, too (although, I think most guys secretly find girls that live with their parents kind of hot…).

  2. Joshua says:

    I don't have the "Magic: The Gathering World Champion" shirt anymore, but I do still have the "Gauntlet: Legends Champion" t-shirt that I won by doing a complete play-through of the arcade (in an actual arcade, dammit) version of "Gauntlet: Legends" in 1998.Also, I love the search terms. Mine aren't as crazy as others, but the term "monkey feet" has brought 10 times more visitors to my blog than any other search term.

  3. Hilarious post! I immediately had to look up what search terms people used to find my blog. One of the first is kind of obvious: "morganucodon". Then a bit of a surprise: "Jenny Murray vampire". I wasn't aware she was undead. Bit of a shame, although it might suit her.Another strange one is "quiet drive wife". Why would you need one of those? And then I found this one: "pulp in facial hair" which is just plain weird! I love all you crazy people!

  4. Maryann says:

    Oh my goodness!! Once again, you had me laughing my head off!! ❤ ❤

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