How to Volunteer at a Food Bank
November 12, 2012 14 Comments
Volunteering at a food bank is a great way to touch a lot of food and meet celebrities. Of course, if the celebrities are there, they are going to get to touch all high profile food, like the tomato juice. Don’t expect to get your hands on any tomato juice.
I was in charge of this milk. ALL of it!
Because I am NOT a celebrity, all I got to touch was boxes of milk that don’t need to be refrigerated. Did you have ANY idea that there is milk that comes in boxes? I must live a terribly sheltered life, because apparently this is a thing.
Jesse Metcalfe holding tomato juice
This is a photo of Jesse Metcalfe holding tomato juice. At first, I didn’t recognize him because they said he was currently on the remake of Dallas. But then, someone told me that he was the guy who mowed the lawns on Desperate Housewives. That is when it all clicked together. Instead of holding tomato juice, imagine this person shirtless with a lawn mower. I met a CELEBRITY! Yea, me!
Look… this is Jesse Metcalfe’s tomato juice!
Of course, by ‘meet’ a celebrity, what I mean is touch the tomato juice of a celebrity with my boxes of non-refrigerated milk. But that STILL COUNTS!
Here I am packing milk into boxes and taking pictures at the same time. I’m a multi-tasker.
Non refrigerated milk is a lot harder to pack than it looks like. See how streamlined these boxes are? This is an arduous task. Plus, everyone got mad at me when I kept falling behind because I stopped to take pictures. I have a BLOG TO WRITE, PEOPLE!
Random picture I felt compelled to take. I’m an ARTIST. I have VISION.
Another advantage of volunteering at a food bank is that you can get pictures of celebrities holding random food items that you can then send to The Bloggess.
I have ALWAYS wanted to send a picture of a celebrity holding a random item to The Bloggess, because in return, you get a picture of… Wil Wheaton Collating Paper. Which I did, and which made me FURIOUSLY HAPPY.
So… here are some helpful t-shirts for those of you who will be volunteering at food banks in the near future…
I can’t guarantee this shirt will get you near the tomato juice, but it’s worth a shot.
This will help explain why you are continually taking pictures of random things while you are supposed to be packing milk into boxes.
Also… one last picture. I would hate to feel like I held up the line taking all these pictures for no reason.
The final box of food. It’s important to get all the pictures of food while you have the chance.
About lgalaviz
The Self-Help T-Shirt Blog 
At my old job, I used to organize the people volunteering at food banks. But then I would say, “Oh, we have enough volunteers, you don’t need me” and I wouldn’t go. Because I don’t like to touch food or be involved in group activities and one time they went and a bunch of cans of spinach fell on someone and that seemed dangerous and our healthcare was terrible.
I’m glad you weren’t injured by spinach.
They didn’t have spinach at this particular food bank, otherwise, I most likely would have been. There was, however, an orange juice incident that was a near miss.
Sounds like Mr Bungle was volunteering! Don’t be like Mr. Bungle!
Do celebrity skunks count? You’d think Pepe would be all over that tomato juice.
Cartoons really suck at packing things into boxes.
I’m always careful volunteering because it usually means spending time with humans, and we all know humans are not to be trusted, what with their big lying brains and all. Also, I’m pathologically anti-social, which doesn’t make me naturally prone to sign up for social activities.
Luckily, there are people like Lisa who are willing to sacrifice their personal happiness in order to be social and take pictures of celebrities holding tomato juice. Oh, and helping people in need or whatever. Cudos, Lisa!
And then I go and spell kudos with a c like some kind of sub-human. Feel free to correct it as you please.
I’m torn now, because if I correct it, then the comment above won’t make any sense. And I am loathe to delete any of your comments. I’m in a quandry.
It wasn’t so much social as standing around listening to someone make a speech and then mostly shoving cartons of milk into boxes.
P.S. I like the phrase, “big lying brains.”
Well, that’s what they are. Aren’t they?
Yes, but only you have the knack for developing such a unique and concise way to state the obvious.
The ‘bleeding obvious’ syndrome? Nice, I’ll take it!
I’m not sure how much longer my ruse of sociability is going to hold up.
I have boxed milk. It may be a residue of my mother’s mormon phase (lasting throughout my menarche and young adulthood, what fun!) or it may be because I get actual physical pain from carrying stuff, so I order real milk for the front end of the week and get UHT for just in case.
I would really wear the blogging T shirt. I also like the idea of wearing one that says STAFF, although that might get me involved in unwanted interactions where people demand things of me, so maybe not.