I was reading blogs at three in the morning, as I oftendo, when I found one that struck me as strange. It took a while for me tofigure out why I was having trouble with it. I was, literally, reading the blog… of a grownup. I know. It was quite ashock for me as well.
Alongside other members of the Breakfast Club generation, I watched AllySheedy tearfully tell Judd Nelson, “When you grow up, your heart dies.” Based on this, I always hadthe expectation that something would suddenly snap to make me startdrinking decaf and wearing shoe supports. This hasn’t happened to me yet. It ishard to convince myself that this whole thing about going to work anddropping my kid at school isn’t some long extended game developed for my amusement.Apparently, not everyone thinks that way.
Allow me to use the blog The JackB todemonstrate the inner workings of the grownup mind.
Grownups have Moral Fiber
Here is what agrownup tells their son who wants to quit soccer:
“My job as his father is to help him reach his potentialand that I see things in him that he might not see. I said that he is muchtougher, stronger and smarter than he realizes and that soccer would help himsee that.”
In contrast, here is what I told my son when he wanted toquit soccer:
“Chasing a ball around on the field is stupid andthese people yelling at their kids are insane. Let’s get out of here.”
Also, here is what I told my son when he wanted to quit baseball:
“Waiting in the outfield for a ball to come to you is stupid,and these parents are even crazier than the soccer ones. Plus, it’s hot outhere.”
We finished out the season though. Not because we wereseeking some sort of moral high ground, but because that’s what you do when you’vealready paid for something.
Grownups have Political Viewpoints
Here is Jack onpolitics:
“I am not a fan of President Obama but I wouldn’t say thatI am a detractor. Part of the problem is that our government doesn’t feel thepain of the average person. My second largest monthly expense is healthcare.Thankfully we are healthy, but it wouldn’t take much to make life exceptionallydifficult. One serious injury/illness/accident and the whole house of cardscould tumble.”
Don’t get me wrong, I know what is going on in the world. I watch the Daily Show. I just never bring up politics around any one because itquickly results in people becoming opinionated and boring. For example, you should see theposts at the end of this guy’s blog.
|This was going to say, “…I find your political agenda annoying” but why impose unnecessary limitations?
Sure, it is ridiculous that if you live in the United State you have to work for forty hours for someone else in order to have access to affordable healthcare. Lots of things about games are ridiculous. For example, the terrier on the Monopoly game board is the same size as the horse. Can you imagine the size of that terrier? But if you don’t like the illogical size of the terrier, you can choose the racecar, or maybe the top hat. On the other hand, I find it creepy to have a top hat bouncing around the board on its own, so don’t pick that either.
Jack is right, of course. The house of cards istilting slightly. Eventually, despite all preparation and moral fortitude, lifewill spin slightly, if not entirely, out of control. I think I just saw a damn card flying by just now, so I had betterhurry and make my point.
I thought I would become someone else when I grew up, and I never did. Apparently, some of you have grown up. Kudos to you, and I don’t even mean that sarcastically. I am glad you have your shit under control.
My appreciation goes out to all of you whodidn’t grow up. Everything spins around us, but we handle it with the irreverenceand sarcasm that these situations require. Sure, we act like grownups. We politely sharepublic transportation with crazy people. We care for aging parents and placate annoyingneighbors. We clumsily blend career, family, and last minute trips to thegrocery store. But, we deal with the daily crap life hands out with the joyfulabandon of children in a complex game.
In closing, please do not harass the grownupswith their grownup blogs. They are very serious and may get pissed at you. Also, please do not post your politicalviewpoints. I find them boring and inane. Unless, of course, your politicalviewpoint is that political viewpoints are boring and inane. In that case,knock yourself out.
My next blog entry will be some timely advice on how to avoid orange assexplosions. It could happen to anyone. In fact, you should probably go aheadand read @so_wakeup‘s critical warning to us all: “Alli-oop! And Then My Ass Exploded.” It never hurts to be safe.